Jennifer Barley

Plugging the Energy Drain

The button that needs sewing on....the drawer than needs to be reorganized... the tax documents that need to be gathered.

Those are all the things that drain your energy.  The items in your life that "some day you will get to them." Every time you see the button, you search for the tape and the month of April draws closer -- your energy lowers.  You have to think about these issues, beat yourself up for not getting them off to the do-to list, and swear that you will get to it soon. All wasted energy.

Make a list of all the thing that you are tolerating...the small, the big, the seemingly impossible.  List it all, the conversations you need to have, the items that need to be sorted, the light bulb that hasn't been changed.

Then pick a day -- and do all the things that can be done in the day.  Notice how your energy changes.  The accomplishment of course -- but all the conservation of all that mental energy that now can focus on other things.  For the larger items, give yourself a deadline on when those items can be resolved.

When you clear the negative energy -- you will have the energy to support new ideas, new projects, new joys.  Your head space will thank you for clearing that particular clutter.

So, what are you tolerating?

You Say It's My Birthday....

wow -- I feel young! 45 years young to be exact.

Last year on this day, I didn't feel so young. I felt worn out to tell you the truth.  If I remember it right, I was in a sad, funkadelic space, filled with drama - although I spent the day alone. To read more -- here is a link to last birthday's post.

The one thing that stands out to me is that I did go kayaking last year on my birthday and I made a vow right then and there that I would live in a home where I could kayak out the backyard.

Fast forward 365 days - and I am doing exactly that. Actually you don't have to fast forward the whole 365 days -- in just about 6 months I landed where the Boca Ciega Bay is my backyard.  And in just 34 days, the Boca Ciega Bay will become my permanent back yard in my new home. (actual photo...)

On my quest of peace, love and clarity -- today clarity is clearly standing out. Having clarity about what I want, what I don't want.  Having clarity about how my attitudes, beliefs and worldviews create and recreate the world I live in.  Having clarity to dream big, think different and to shake things up.

I am in such a different place than I could have ever imagined....wait, actually, I did imagine this...ALL of this -- right down to the paddle of my boat.

Happy birthday to me.  May my 45th year be filled with more peace, love and clarity.

Expectations Verses Expectancy

One of my absolute favorite aunts, Aunt Ruth, sent me an email after my last blog post introducing the concept of exploring expectations verses expectancy.

It got me thinking deeper about expectations, as the word has been floating around my brain for awhile now.  Trying to strike the balance of letting go of my expectations but not to let go of my involvement, or responsibility, or my part in the creation of what is happening.  

There was always a part of me that struggled with if I let go of expectations -- well, it felt like I was surrendering to everything...almost flat-lining.  Hard for me to explain -- hence the struggle.

My Aunt shared her thoughts stating, for her, expectation is limiting,  full of boxed in thoughts and feelings. Expectancy is what you are all about - new revelations, released emotions, feelings, hurts etc. Expectancy is the possibility that there are wonderful things around the corner. 

Her words helped me with some clarity -- for me, expectations are about the outcome where expectancy is about the process. Expectations are all about control.  Expectations is about pre-thinking what is going to happen, what should happen, and what will happen.  

Expectancy is about being a part of the process that feels really light -- allowing us to take who we are in that moment to our experiences. Our 'who' is constantly changing.  I am a different person today that I was when I went to bed last night.  I am a different person from who I was a month ago.  I am a different person from who I was 5 years ago.

So again your attitudes, beliefs, and world view will determine if you approach situations with an expectancy of delight, excitement, adventure, or with an expectancy of negativity, judgment, or drama.

Being attached to an outcome is where disappointment comes in, where entitlement is created and where we only focus on the result.

So, thank you Aunt Ruth -- for sharing your thoughts.  I look forward to your next email with great, loving expectancy!

How You Show Up For Anything -- Is How You Show Up For Everything....

How we show up for one thing - -resembles how we show up for everything.

We carry our beliefs and attitudes everywhere with us.  If we are looking for trouble, we find trouble.  If we expect a conversation to go bad, it usually goes bad. If we enter with an air of exploration....we explore.  If we are focused on incompetence -- we find incompetence.

Basically, we are just trying to prove our selves right.  By doing so, we get the ego boost to say: a-ha!  I was right...this is so lame...so amazing...so beneath me.   Fill in the blank.

What we expect to get out of a situation usually comes true.  The question is -- why do you have so many expectations? How do you carry those expectations in to various situations? How does having expecations actually cause disappointment?

If you are constantly disappointed, how are your showing up?  If you are skeptical, do you focus on the things that aren't measuring up?

It is so easy to default to focusing on the negative...why things won't work, how you wish they were different, how other people annoy you...the list can go on.

What if you showed up with no expectations and just experienced the experience.  No judging if it is good or bad.  No ranking on where it falls.  I mean, really letting go of expectations.

Where is one area you could let go of expectations --- and truly be an observer without judgment? It could change how you show up for everything....

Let's get the conversation started -- share the one situation you are willing to have a different outcome.

PS: Some of you have written me to ask if I would post the audio recording of my free Preview Call on 7 Enlightened Tips on How to Lose the Thoughts that Weight you Down....click here for link.

PPS: For those still wanting to sign up for the six week teleseries: Lose The Thoughts That Weigh You Down - click here for more information - class starts January 17th!

Free Preview Call: 7 Enlightened Tips on How to Lose The Thoughts That Are Weighing You Down

Ho-ho-whoa! 

It is that time of the year that we swear off sweets, put away the pie and make yet another resolution to get our butts in gear when it comes to weight, food and fitness.

It all feels so familiar, doesn't it? The cycle of weight loss and the determination that THIS year is going to be the year that it is different.  

Well, it truly can be different IF you are willing to do things differently. Instead of coming at it with how many calories are in this egg, how can I work out for 30 days in a row, how can I never eat chocolate again --- how about approaching it from understanding who you really are. True success comes from the coach approach to your beliefs around weight, food and fitness.

Please join me for a free teleclass where I will reveal my 7 enlightened tips that will change your thinking around dieting, weight loss, body image, food and emotional eating.

Details:

When: Monday, January 2, 2012

Time: 7:00 - 8:00 pm EST 

How: This is a call in teleclass.  You phone in to a conference line with a unique passcode and be a part of this teleclass.  

Cost: FREE (long distance charges may apply)

Everyone who registers for the call will receive an audio recording of the call as well.

I am super exited to share my tips with you and introduce a new way to really understand your thoughts around food and fitness.  Then you will have the ability to make changes that actually support you and your goals.

So -- what are you waiting for?  It is time to change your life.

Register now...by clicking here.

"See" you on the call on Monday -- it will be a great way to KickStart the New Year.

To learn more about me as the presenter, please visit my website at: www.jenniferbarley.com or if you have specific questions -- please email me at: jennifer@jenniferbarley.com

Choosing to Not Go In To A Holi-daze.....

' Tis the season to be jolly.....with only 6 days until Christmas and a mere 13 until we bid goodbye to 2011, it can all feel like a whirlwind.

Shopping, caroling, cooking, entertaining, decorating -- who knew that so much can go in to the season.

I have had an interesting relationship with Christmas.  Around 1992 or 93, I made the decision to not celebrate the holidays with my family.  It felt too stressful. Flying back to the midwest, presents, expectations, cookies to eat, church services to go to, carols to be sung, and the general make all the rounds because I was only in town for a few days....it was just overwhelming.

Since the early 90's, my Christmases in CA were all over the place. Some times I would decorate like crazy and get together with friends and other times, there wouldn't be a tree in sight and Christmas would feel like any other day.

Fast forward to 2011, where I am no longer in CA but in FL, and the halls are officially decked.  The tree is up, carols play through the house, presents are wrapped and it is a true Floridian Christmas.

My family is coming to visit and we are celebrating on the 27th. Mom and Dad are driving up, Pete and family are flying in. I am hosting and doing the cooking and it doesn't feel overwhelming at all.

It actually feels perfect.

I can't wait to hear my dad play Christmas songs on the piano.  I am ready to exchange gifts and unwrap presents.  I am ready to hang with my nephew and hopefully put on a show.  I am ready to have my mom and I in the same kitchen making Pete's favorite dinner. I am ready to have Tabby take the kayak out and see why I love Florida so much.

I have missed it.

It is all about shifting energy.  Changing something from a "have to" to a "want to".  For me, changing energy is about understanding what is important to me, what my values are, and what parts are important to me has given me clarity.  It allows me to focus on what I want.

Through my trek towards peace, love and clarity, I have found the best gift of all.  The gift of being able to change your mind.

 

The Book of Happiness.....

Would of...could of...should of.  
How often we look at our past wishing things would have been different.  

Well, it wasn't.  

Focus on the here and now.  Focus on what you want the future to hold.

It is hard to find happiness if you don't let go of holding on to sadness.

I am all about happiness.  Embracing happiness.  Experiencing happiness. Living happiness.

I am happy.

One Moment of Gratitude....

can set a whirlwind of positivity in action.  

Find one little thing to be grateful for....take a moment to take it in, to appreciate it, to connect to the essence of it. 

That one little grateful moment can bring forth the opportunity to find one more little grateful moment and so on and so on and so on.

Create your own movement....start your own whirlwind....be the change in your life you have been waiting for....one grateful step at a time.

 

Making the Connection

At times I can feel disconnected with other people. Feeling like we are not on the same page...that something is slightly off...something that I just can't put my finger on.  

So in my effort to figure it out, I wonder what is up with them, wonder when they are going to come around, wonder where their head is at this moment.

Truth is --- energy would be better spent wondering how I am disconnected from myself.  If I am feeling disconnected it could be because I don't know what I need...I am feeling pressured...I am feeling impatient....I don't know what I want...or I don't know to articulate the uneveness I might be feeling. 

I am committed to sitting in that uncertainty in order to ask the following questions:

How can I connect to what I need right now?

How can I ground myself to feel more centered?

What can I do to release the mixed energy that is happening?

So often we look to others to figure out what's wrong with them -- when all that is required is to connect with ourselves to figure out what we need.

Just Because You Can....Doesn't Mean You Should....

Many of us have many abilities.  Talents, skills, things that come oh-so-easy.  Resources, tools, the can-do characteristics that ooze from every cell of our bodies.

However --- just because I can do something, doesn't mean I should.  I often take on projects under the guise of "well, if I don't do it, what is going to happen to the person, the project, the group, the goal?" or "well, I can just bang it out, why not...." 

Well, the why not is because I no longer want to spend my time, energy, and talents on the things that do not bring me joy.  I want to stay in alignment with my vision, my focus, my limited time.

Saying No or Saying Yes is something I have been working on for years. However, I saw myself losing my footing when I saw that a local organization clearly could use some good leadership, could really benefit from some marketing, program development and a good ole swift "I can so do this" kick in the pants.  All of a sudden, I found my name up on the flip chart next to the name of a committee.

Then I remembered my '3 day rule'.  Since I tend to get overly enthused in the moment, any time I am asked or I have the inkling to volunteer my time, I give myself 3 days to think it over. I can mull it all over...how much time is needed, what would I need to contribute, what kind of support would there be, is this something I REALLY want to spend my time on?

The '3 day rule' is my own personal checks and balance system. It is a no-fail approach to make sure that what I choose to do is in alignment with how I want to spend my energy.

I gave myself the 3 day grace period and let the group know that I would not be able to effectively be a part of this team at this time.

Just having that conversation made me feel better....more connected even.  Connected to myself.

What things do you wish you would have given yourself three days to really think about?

 

It Is An Inside Job....

So often we look to the outer things in life to fix our issues.  If we have financial challenges, we look to change jobs to make more money.  If we have weight issues, we join a gym.  If we have relationship woes, we want to change the other person.  All of these efforts are about searching outside of ourselves for the solution under the guise of being happy.

Happiness is an inside job.  No amount of money, no number on the scale, and no other person will bring you true happiness.  Sure, those things can make life more comfortable,  they could help us reduce the negative self talk, and they can bring a sense of familiarity. However if one is truly happy then they experience things that come from the inside...peace, love, and clarity...regardless of how much money is in the bank, how our pants fit and who is in our life. If we always do what we've always done, we will always get what we've always got.  This is not about doing -- it is about our being.

In order to find happiness, we have to be willing to start exploring our thoughts, feelings and actions around our challenges.  That begins with our core of "who" we are.    We all have beliefs, values, core thoughts, assumptions, and interpretations that play into our view of the world. Those beliefs can enhance our world, or detract from our world. 

How do your beliefs serve you?  Do they keep you safe and small?  Do they protect you from disappointment?  Do they protect you from vulnerability?  Do they allow you to play big and share your gifts with the world? Do your core thoughts allow you to share love without limits.

Which of your beliefs keep you from moving forward?

Then the big zowie of a question comes in to play....

If you were to let go of your belief what are you really afraid might happen? What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that could happen?  Are you willing to risk it?

How willing are you to redefine your "who"?

The world is waiting for you, your redefined who, to show up from the inside out.

Live in Love....

The other day I found myself living in my head and over-thinking a recent situation. I was trying to figure it all out.  I was rolling it around and around inside my noggin.  

As usual, I was asking myself a bunch of questions, all under the guise of personal growth, discovery, and to learn more about myself.  While I do think that is important....I know a balance  is needed.

After I over-thought about my over-thinking -- I realized that sometimes it might be better just to be in my heart. To be with love.  To lead with love.  To be open to everything with love.

I want to let go of my perceived need to over analyze, to always listen for a deeper meaning of everything that is being said, to release my judgment on what is going on.  

I want to observe with love. Interact with love. Show up with love.

I did an exercise with a coach the other day involving a visualization journaling process.  Through a visualization and breathing exercise, I was able to create an image in my mind about my recent move.

It was interesting because my mind wanted me to visualize a deep rooted dark brown tree, expressing strength and connectedness and a sense of solidness. But my heart quickly rejected that image.  I then checked in with my gut saying "just sit with it"..."what image is really coming up?"..."Don't think....feel."

The image was clear...pink, hearts, floating, and free all were words that came out of my mouth to describe the image. I felt light, airy, and almost a sense of giddy when I explained it. A far cry from the heavy, rooted tree that I thought I 'should' have.

And yet another reminder to drop the elevator from my head to my heart. To go with a lighteness, airy-ness and a sense of giddy. To live in love.  Allow love. And be love. Just plain love.

Life Is Short -- Share Your Passion

So often we think about how our lives aren't working for us.  We focus on what we don't want.  We channel our energy towards wanting people to change, situations to change, emotions to change, the economy to change, the political state of the world to change, or the luck of our favorite baseball team to change.

What if we were the ones to actually change?

What if we changed a belief, changed a thought, made a decision, created a choice?  What if we took inventory of what we actually have influence over and did something about it?

What do you want to change?  

And then the next question that follows is...why aren't you making that change happen?

Most likely -- it is the fear of the unknown that stops us dead in our tracks.

We like familiarity.  We like predictability. We like what we know.  When we change some thing -- we don't know what the outcome will be, if people will still like us, if we can financially survive, if we made the right decision.

Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

You never know what the outcome will actually be until you make the decision to find out.

 

Wound for Sound....

The end of my California time is coming fast -- in less than a week I am off to Florida for my new adventure.  It is amazing the amount of coordination that it takes for a zillion different things to happen.

A piano needs to be moved, a POD need to be packed, a car needs to be sold, a house needs to close, and my sanity needs to remain in tact.  

It is interesting to be an observer of myself through this whole process.  There are times I am one-stressed-out chick -- and there are times that I am cool as a cucumber, aligned with the universe.

The tipping point between my two states of mind seems to be undefinable.  The stress-out-chick persona does not make me proud. In fact, it causes me to grind my teeth at night.  The obsessing about every decision and wondering if it is the right decision does not lower my blood pressure.  I tend to live in my head a lot.

Stress really is mental friction when the world as it is rubs up against the world as we think it should be.  I realize that I create stress by trying to create my desired outcome by trying to control each and every step.  And wouldn't you know, it is the unknown that causes me to sit and spin every time.

The question that I now ask myself when I feel the stress is: "what would it take for me to let it go right now....?" Then I listen for the answer from my heart and I try that approach.

Pretty much just trying to align with the Universe....from my heart...just like a cool cucumber.

Reduce Your Clutter --- Reduces Your Clutter

Today I started packing my things from my house where I have lived for the last 16 years. It was interesting how quick it was to go through items, sort through closets, and look through drawers. So far, the packing has been a fast process that didn't involve a lot of throwing things away.  There is only a small pile to go to charity, as of today.

I realize the ease of packing was directly related to a continual state of de-cluttering that I go through.  Getting rid of items that weren't being used, sending things to the Good Will, not letting things build up. Clean lines, clean surfaces.

Our lives need to be like that as well...a big ole shuffle and sort process. Moving things around. Looking at things through different eyes...determining if what worked in 1993 still applies to 2011.

Often, my brain gets all cluttered up --- and remembering to go through the de-cluttering process helps me to get the breathing space I need to sort through it all. That allows me to see what thoughts are worth keeping and which ones can be tossed aside -- helping me to reduce what I have to sort through.