Jennifer Barley

You Say It's My Birthday....

wow -- I feel young! 45 years young to be exact.

Last year on this day, I didn't feel so young. I felt worn out to tell you the truth.  If I remember it right, I was in a sad, funkadelic space, filled with drama - although I spent the day alone. To read more -- here is a link to last birthday's post.

The one thing that stands out to me is that I did go kayaking last year on my birthday and I made a vow right then and there that I would live in a home where I could kayak out the backyard.

Fast forward 365 days - and I am doing exactly that. Actually you don't have to fast forward the whole 365 days -- in just about 6 months I landed where the Boca Ciega Bay is my backyard.  And in just 34 days, the Boca Ciega Bay will become my permanent back yard in my new home. (actual photo...)

On my quest of peace, love and clarity -- today clarity is clearly standing out. Having clarity about what I want, what I don't want.  Having clarity about how my attitudes, beliefs and worldviews create and recreate the world I live in.  Having clarity to dream big, think different and to shake things up.

I am in such a different place than I could have ever imagined....wait, actually, I did imagine this...ALL of this -- right down to the paddle of my boat.

Happy birthday to me.  May my 45th year be filled with more peace, love and clarity.

Expectations Verses Expectancy

One of my absolute favorite aunts, Aunt Ruth, sent me an email after my last blog post introducing the concept of exploring expectations verses expectancy.

It got me thinking deeper about expectations, as the word has been floating around my brain for awhile now.  Trying to strike the balance of letting go of my expectations but not to let go of my involvement, or responsibility, or my part in the creation of what is happening.  

There was always a part of me that struggled with if I let go of expectations -- well, it felt like I was surrendering to everything...almost flat-lining.  Hard for me to explain -- hence the struggle.

My Aunt shared her thoughts stating, for her, expectation is limiting,  full of boxed in thoughts and feelings. Expectancy is what you are all about - new revelations, released emotions, feelings, hurts etc. Expectancy is the possibility that there are wonderful things around the corner. 

Her words helped me with some clarity -- for me, expectations are about the outcome where expectancy is about the process. Expectations are all about control.  Expectations is about pre-thinking what is going to happen, what should happen, and what will happen.  

Expectancy is about being a part of the process that feels really light -- allowing us to take who we are in that moment to our experiences. Our 'who' is constantly changing.  I am a different person today that I was when I went to bed last night.  I am a different person from who I was a month ago.  I am a different person from who I was 5 years ago.

So again your attitudes, beliefs, and world view will determine if you approach situations with an expectancy of delight, excitement, adventure, or with an expectancy of negativity, judgment, or drama.

Being attached to an outcome is where disappointment comes in, where entitlement is created and where we only focus on the result.

So, thank you Aunt Ruth -- for sharing your thoughts.  I look forward to your next email with great, loving expectancy!

Free Preview Call: 7 Enlightened Tips on How to Lose The Thoughts That Are Weighing You Down

Ho-ho-whoa! 

It is that time of the year that we swear off sweets, put away the pie and make yet another resolution to get our butts in gear when it comes to weight, food and fitness.

It all feels so familiar, doesn't it? The cycle of weight loss and the determination that THIS year is going to be the year that it is different.  

Well, it truly can be different IF you are willing to do things differently. Instead of coming at it with how many calories are in this egg, how can I work out for 30 days in a row, how can I never eat chocolate again --- how about approaching it from understanding who you really are. True success comes from the coach approach to your beliefs around weight, food and fitness.

Please join me for a free teleclass where I will reveal my 7 enlightened tips that will change your thinking around dieting, weight loss, body image, food and emotional eating.

Details:

When: Monday, January 2, 2012

Time: 7:00 - 8:00 pm EST 

How: This is a call in teleclass.  You phone in to a conference line with a unique passcode and be a part of this teleclass.  

Cost: FREE (long distance charges may apply)

Everyone who registers for the call will receive an audio recording of the call as well.

I am super exited to share my tips with you and introduce a new way to really understand your thoughts around food and fitness.  Then you will have the ability to make changes that actually support you and your goals.

So -- what are you waiting for?  It is time to change your life.

Register now...by clicking here.

"See" you on the call on Monday -- it will be a great way to KickStart the New Year.

To learn more about me as the presenter, please visit my website at: www.jenniferbarley.com or if you have specific questions -- please email me at: jennifer@jenniferbarley.com

Note To Self....

Dear Jenny,

When you set intentions, they can actually happen.  

Whether it is the intention to drink more water, to meditate more, or to recreate your life....make it happen.

Know what you want.  State what you want.  Work towards what you want.

Done, done, and done.

All my power of intention love,

Jenn

Making the Connection

At times I can feel disconnected with other people. Feeling like we are not on the same page...that something is slightly off...something that I just can't put my finger on.  

So in my effort to figure it out, I wonder what is up with them, wonder when they are going to come around, wonder where their head is at this moment.

Truth is --- energy would be better spent wondering how I am disconnected from myself.  If I am feeling disconnected it could be because I don't know what I need...I am feeling pressured...I am feeling impatient....I don't know what I want...or I don't know to articulate the uneveness I might be feeling. 

I am committed to sitting in that uncertainty in order to ask the following questions:

How can I connect to what I need right now?

How can I ground myself to feel more centered?

What can I do to release the mixed energy that is happening?

So often we look to others to figure out what's wrong with them -- when all that is required is to connect with ourselves to figure out what we need.

Just Because You Can....Doesn't Mean You Should....

Many of us have many abilities.  Talents, skills, things that come oh-so-easy.  Resources, tools, the can-do characteristics that ooze from every cell of our bodies.

However --- just because I can do something, doesn't mean I should.  I often take on projects under the guise of "well, if I don't do it, what is going to happen to the person, the project, the group, the goal?" or "well, I can just bang it out, why not...." 

Well, the why not is because I no longer want to spend my time, energy, and talents on the things that do not bring me joy.  I want to stay in alignment with my vision, my focus, my limited time.

Saying No or Saying Yes is something I have been working on for years. However, I saw myself losing my footing when I saw that a local organization clearly could use some good leadership, could really benefit from some marketing, program development and a good ole swift "I can so do this" kick in the pants.  All of a sudden, I found my name up on the flip chart next to the name of a committee.

Then I remembered my '3 day rule'.  Since I tend to get overly enthused in the moment, any time I am asked or I have the inkling to volunteer my time, I give myself 3 days to think it over. I can mull it all over...how much time is needed, what would I need to contribute, what kind of support would there be, is this something I REALLY want to spend my time on?

The '3 day rule' is my own personal checks and balance system. It is a no-fail approach to make sure that what I choose to do is in alignment with how I want to spend my energy.

I gave myself the 3 day grace period and let the group know that I would not be able to effectively be a part of this team at this time.

Just having that conversation made me feel better....more connected even.  Connected to myself.

What things do you wish you would have given yourself three days to really think about?

 

It Is An Inside Job....

So often we look to the outer things in life to fix our issues.  If we have financial challenges, we look to change jobs to make more money.  If we have weight issues, we join a gym.  If we have relationship woes, we want to change the other person.  All of these efforts are about searching outside of ourselves for the solution under the guise of being happy.

Happiness is an inside job.  No amount of money, no number on the scale, and no other person will bring you true happiness.  Sure, those things can make life more comfortable,  they could help us reduce the negative self talk, and they can bring a sense of familiarity. However if one is truly happy then they experience things that come from the inside...peace, love, and clarity...regardless of how much money is in the bank, how our pants fit and who is in our life. If we always do what we've always done, we will always get what we've always got.  This is not about doing -- it is about our being.

In order to find happiness, we have to be willing to start exploring our thoughts, feelings and actions around our challenges.  That begins with our core of "who" we are.    We all have beliefs, values, core thoughts, assumptions, and interpretations that play into our view of the world. Those beliefs can enhance our world, or detract from our world. 

How do your beliefs serve you?  Do they keep you safe and small?  Do they protect you from disappointment?  Do they protect you from vulnerability?  Do they allow you to play big and share your gifts with the world? Do your core thoughts allow you to share love without limits.

Which of your beliefs keep you from moving forward?

Then the big zowie of a question comes in to play....

If you were to let go of your belief what are you really afraid might happen? What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that could happen?  Are you willing to risk it?

How willing are you to redefine your "who"?

The world is waiting for you, your redefined who, to show up from the inside out.

Time to Move Things Off the Back Burner.....

How many times in life have you said: "as soon as I finish this project, I will be happy...: or "someday I would like to go back to school, but I need to wait"... or "if only I could...."

So often we put the things we really want in life on the back burner. We are waiting for tomorrow, for some day, for when the timing is better.  But why?  What are we really afraid of?

I'll give a great example -- for YEARS I have said that I wanted a kayak.  When I say years...I really mean like 10 - 15 years.  I love kayaking. I have organized trips, gone often on my own and love, love, love being on the water.

For 16 years, I lived within walking distance from the Santa Cruz harbor in CA --- the perfect launching grounds for a kayak.  I talked about owning a kayak all the time. So, what was really holding me back from moving the kayak off the back burner where I kept placing it?

Perhaps it was a fear that I wouldn't really use it and I would waste all that money.  Perhaps it was a fear of having to wear the non-forgiving wet suit.  Perhaps it was a fear that I wouldn't be able to handle a kayak on wheels going down the big hill in to the harbor.  Hard to say.  The thought of being a kayak owner would come to my head and then I would give myself 85 reasons to not get one.

Fast forward to Florida.  After only two weeks of officially moving here, I bought a kayak,

My desire of owning a kayak finally came off the back burner and is now a part of my every day life.  I launch it just 50 feet from my condo.  I paddle with the manatees and the dolphns.  I can go for a long ride or a short paddle.  I get to explore my new area from a different angle.

I have such a sense of freedom.  This freedom comes from having a dream, a desire, a wish and actually following through with it.  I have to say, I have been doing that  a lot lately.  I have moved away from stagnate waters and on to the flow of the river of life.

What is on your back burner that you are ready to make a reality?  How long are you willing to wait?  What are you giving up by not moving forward?  What are you gaining by not taking action?

(The top photo is from sunrise over Labor Day weekend before an early morning paddle.  The 2nd photo is from about two weeks ago and you can see my condo in the picture with the red tile roof.)

You Have Everything You Need

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw the following on my friend Stephanie's blog (www.inquisitivecoach.com) the other day: Believe in yourself and all you are.  Know that there is something inside you that is greater than an obstacle.

That is what inner strength is all about.

Knowing that you have whatever you need in all situations.  

You have the talent, the characteristics, the ability, the determination, the power, the intelligence, the grace, the love, the insight, the hindsight, the foresight, the perseverance, the stick-to-it-ness, the humor, the surrender, the fight, the quiet, the calm, the loud, the rowdy, the verbose, and the heart for whatever it is, whenever you need it.

You just need to remember to believe in yourself.

Developing My Inner Strength...

Over the years I have used:

• walking
• running
• cycling
• kayaking
• weight lifting
• step aerobics
• Stair climbing
• mini-trampolines
• roller blading
• high, medium, low impact aerobics
• kickboxing
• zumba
• P90-X
• bands
• outdoor circuit training
• hiking

and countless other trends, fads, and Jane Fonda-y type tricks to build my strength.  Always challenging myself to see how far, how fast, and how much I could physically push myself.

A thought occurred to me -- how much do I focus on my inner strength?  Really acknowleding it.  I mean, to really look at, examine and understand what qualities I posess to show true stength.

First, I would have to look at the word: strong.  What is strong?  What is strength?  What is weakness? Is weakness the opposite of strength?  How do I mixed up weakness with vulnerability?  How much do I hide when I feel weak?  How much do I judge myself for not being stronger?

It takes a strong person to really examine their srengths and beliefs --- I think I am on to something.

 

Note To Self....

 

Dear Jenny,

Please re-read your blog from yesterday.  It seems like letting go of control might be a moment-by-moment adventure.  

One post on your blog does not mean you have relinguished all control -- keep paying attention.

If it helps, here are some questions to ask yourself when the control vs. letting go struggle appears:

1. What about this situation are you trying to control?

2. Why do you feel the need to control it?

3. What is your biggest fear about letting go?

4. What are you willing to do to make that happen?

Be free.  Let go.  Keep learning.

All my out of control love,

Jenn

Waving a White Flag, I Surrender....

Janet Jackson never sang it better:

"This is a story about control, my control.  Control of what I say.  Control of what I do.  And this time, I'm gonna do it my way. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Are we ready? I am.  Because it is all about control. And I've got lots of it." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog is a story about surrender, my surrender....  

I have been a woman all about control.  I never thought I had control issues -- I just compared myself to my mom and rationalized that she really earned the control queen title -- therefore I couldn't be that big of a control freak.

Truth is....I think I am a total control freak. I love plans, making plans, timelines, outlining all the steps, getting organized, and ready for action. It is my own version of ultimate control.

With my three eye surgeries in April, all my plans have gone out the window. I was down an entire month.  1/12 of 2011 -- out of action.  It is safe to say, I am officially highly un-organized.

The great news is that my third surgery went well.  Every thing did what it was suppose to do and I am good to go.  However, my left eye is still swollen, super red, tears all the time, and can get easily strained.  Often I keep my eye shut the majority of the day. 

The one thing that I miss the most in all of this -- is reading.  Reading books, magazines, facebook, email, blogs etc.  I have to really limit my time reading or I get so strained that I can only lie down with my eyes shut.

It is difficult for me not to be in control.  I have to really listen to what I need in the moment.  I have to really pay attention to how much is too much.  I really have to let go of my 'a-jenn-da' on a continual basis.  

I have experienced some real positives to surrendering. I have released expecations.  I have competely caught up on my sleep. I have reflected and daydreamed. I have talked more about my real thoughts and feelings with my friend, Karen, than I ever have in the past.  I have cleared my calendar.  I have sat in the sunshine.  I have listened to music. I have really lived in the moment.

So -- here is my declaration of surrendering to the process:

I, Jenn Barley.com, do hereby surrender to the process. I surrender even defining what a process is. I will detach from timelines, detach from what I "should" be doing, detach from the need to be productive. I will let go of feeling inadequate, lazy, and unorganized.  I will embrace what I am actually feeling and acknowledge it.  I will ebb.  I will flow. I will be the process.

What a Difference a Year Makes....

I am sitting at my desk in a fairly reflective state.  There is a lot of change happening in the Jenn Barley world. A lot of change.

Things are ending. Things are beginning.  Things are staying the same.  Change.

At moments I feel like I have a handle on it all.  At other times -- it all has a handle on me.  

I decided to re-read my blog achives to see what were my hot topics of April 2010 --- I wanted to see how relatable those topics were to my today -- one year later.

The first April post was about friends.  Still amazingly relatable.  I have learned so much over the past year about me, about my relationships, about friendships.  It actually deserves it own blog and will be coming. 

The next post was about thinking outside the box.  I am still thinking outside the box.  Even with boxes that I have had for 44 years -- I am still trying to find my way outside of those four lines. I have new perspeptives, new awakenings, new ways of thinking about things.  Thinking outside the box requires not being afraid of being different.  I am SO not afraid of different.

The third posting was about clearing clutter.  In all fairness, a year ago  -- clearing clutter was about my office.  Today, it is about my life.  I am in relationships that are changing, starting new ones, selling my house, moving 2897 miles, in August, to the east coast and then straight down to the sunshine state in the south. For years, I had clarity that it was time to clear the clutter -- but 2010/2011 was the timeframe I was willing to actually go for it.

The 4th post was about buying a MAC. Love it.  Point taken.

The last April entry was about signing up for the Mermaid Duathlon that was to take place in September 2010. I signed up -- I partipated.  What happened between April and September was really about learning about my own divine connection to myself.  To be willing to look at the question "am I happy?" and be willing to look at the possible answer. And then to actually take action.

What a year. I have never felt so free.

How has your life changed over the last 12 months?

I Am A Woman Learning To Stay Awake....

One of the most cherished books I own and have read time and time again is: I Am A Woman Finding My Voice, by Janet Quinn.  I wrote about the book on my blog back on September 20th.  

At that time I declared that I will write my own essay called I Am A Woman Finding Myself.  I am not there yet.  I am still in the finding process.  I have found that there is tweaking in the finding process.  Evualating and learning, reflecting, trying again, keeping things in perspective.

Over 2010 Thanksgiving weekend I did write the following:

I am a woman learning to stay awake.

For 43 years, I have lived a life.  Sometimes for me, some times for others...living into the perceived expectations of parents, pastors, teachers, friends, employers, society, the media as well as my own expectations for myself.

At times I have been awake; listening to my heart, my soul, my desires, and the beat of my own drum.  At times I been asleep; plodding along, not paying attention, settling, compromising and completely unaware.

In order to live a life I love, I want to be awake. Awake to what makes my heart sing, awake to what makes my insides go "wow", and awake to what I feel connected to. Truly living into a life you love is about staying awake day after day after day after day.

Staying awake is about not shutting down and numbing out to all that is happening.  Staying awake is about observing all emotions and realize the gift of a full spectrum.

In learning to staying awake, I want to listen more, sing often, dance to music even when there is complete silence. I want to stay awake be eating spaghetti straight from the pan, connecting with nature and laughing until tears roll down my cheek.  Staying awake is about balancing my chakkras, clearing my mind and to have inner peace 24 - 7.

Staying awake is to conciously love, love, love and then even love some more. Staying awake is having everything I do come straight from the beat of my heart.

Staying awake is about connecting and reconnecting to a life I love.

I am a woman learning to stay awake.

One Long Run On Sentence....

I just hired a mindfulness coach, Melissa Maher.  My own personal guru to help me enter in to the world of mindfulness. Meditation and yoga are tools to cultivate and practice mindfulness -- the art of being non-judgmentally aware of the present moment, no matter what's presenting itself in that moment.

Melissa is my go-to person to guide me safely through the newer worlds of meditation, yoga and all things mindful.

Last week when we were setting things up, Melissa had recommended five different books for me to read about mindfulness.  Being the obsessive, can't get enough, learn, learn, learn gal I am -- I ordered all five books immediately. Obviously, I will be working on patience.

Melissa and I had our first session this week -- during our time together we talked about where in my life do I allow silence, where I do I practice the art of extreme self care, and what are my goals when it comes to meditation.

We also talked about the art of sitting.  Sitting in meditation. She said, "Focus on your breathing.  When you have a thought -- notice the thought -- and go back to your breathing. If you have an impulse -- notice the impulse -- and go back to breathing." 

Being the eager meditative student that I am -- I said I would like to meditate 15 minutes a day.  On day one of sitting -- I quickly changed the goal to five minutes a day for this week -- feeling like 15 minutes would feel like forever.

There I was -- sitting.  Ready to focus on my breath.  I checked my watch. I shut my eyes. I breathed in. I breathed out.  I breathed in. I breathed out.  And it was precisely on the third exhale that the world's longest run-on sentence began going through my head.  It went something like this:

"i am doing it, i am mediating, wait, focus on your breathing, in... and out....in....and out....wow, i am on the 12th floor of this building, there aren't that many tall buildings back in santa cruz, i wonder what it would be like to live in a real high-rise...maybe in new york city...on the 54th floor...it could happen, the jeffersons moved on up....whatever happen to Mr. Bentley....can you imagine working on the 100th floor of a building...in a fast paced city...that would be like the world trade center...oh my god, don't think about the world trade center...don't think about the world trade center....breathe in and breathe out....breathe in and breathe out...ahhhh...i am so getting the hang of this, i feel so peaceful...i should feel peaceful i am on vacation...i so need a vacation...peace, quiet, reflection....i want to start that dragon tattoo book soon...maybe after lunch...i wonder what's for lunch...i am doing so good on not eating wheat....wait...breathe in and breathe out....i sure hope the weather warms up...i want to go on the boat...sitting up front, with my ipod on, waving at the boats as we fly by, i love boats...i love water...i love dolphins...last time i was on a boat i saw a butterfly.....wait...breathe in and breathe out...ahhh...perfect....now I am really getting the hang of this...i am such a meditator...is meditator even a word..i make up words some times....so in the moment...so....breathe in....breathe out....i wonder what time it is, has five minutes gone by...what an over achiever I am trying to think i could do 15 minutes right out of the gate...why do i do that..why do i put that pressure on myself...but i am doing great, it probably has been 10 minutes already...but who knows...if i look, is that cheating...i am not sure...i want to look, but i shouldn't look....how do you look if you aren't suppose to be looking at the time....this is all so new....ok, i will look...."

only three minutes and 47 seconds left to go.

Breathe in. Breathe out.