Jennifer Barley

You Say It's My Birthday....

wow -- I feel young! 45 years young to be exact.

Last year on this day, I didn't feel so young. I felt worn out to tell you the truth.  If I remember it right, I was in a sad, funkadelic space, filled with drama - although I spent the day alone. To read more -- here is a link to last birthday's post.

The one thing that stands out to me is that I did go kayaking last year on my birthday and I made a vow right then and there that I would live in a home where I could kayak out the backyard.

Fast forward 365 days - and I am doing exactly that. Actually you don't have to fast forward the whole 365 days -- in just about 6 months I landed where the Boca Ciega Bay is my backyard.  And in just 34 days, the Boca Ciega Bay will become my permanent back yard in my new home. (actual photo...)

On my quest of peace, love and clarity -- today clarity is clearly standing out. Having clarity about what I want, what I don't want.  Having clarity about how my attitudes, beliefs and worldviews create and recreate the world I live in.  Having clarity to dream big, think different and to shake things up.

I am in such a different place than I could have ever imagined....wait, actually, I did imagine this...ALL of this -- right down to the paddle of my boat.

Happy birthday to me.  May my 45th year be filled with more peace, love and clarity.

Expectations Verses Expectancy

One of my absolute favorite aunts, Aunt Ruth, sent me an email after my last blog post introducing the concept of exploring expectations verses expectancy.

It got me thinking deeper about expectations, as the word has been floating around my brain for awhile now.  Trying to strike the balance of letting go of my expectations but not to let go of my involvement, or responsibility, or my part in the creation of what is happening.  

There was always a part of me that struggled with if I let go of expectations -- well, it felt like I was surrendering to everything...almost flat-lining.  Hard for me to explain -- hence the struggle.

My Aunt shared her thoughts stating, for her, expectation is limiting,  full of boxed in thoughts and feelings. Expectancy is what you are all about - new revelations, released emotions, feelings, hurts etc. Expectancy is the possibility that there are wonderful things around the corner. 

Her words helped me with some clarity -- for me, expectations are about the outcome where expectancy is about the process. Expectations are all about control.  Expectations is about pre-thinking what is going to happen, what should happen, and what will happen.  

Expectancy is about being a part of the process that feels really light -- allowing us to take who we are in that moment to our experiences. Our 'who' is constantly changing.  I am a different person today that I was when I went to bed last night.  I am a different person from who I was a month ago.  I am a different person from who I was 5 years ago.

So again your attitudes, beliefs, and world view will determine if you approach situations with an expectancy of delight, excitement, adventure, or with an expectancy of negativity, judgment, or drama.

Being attached to an outcome is where disappointment comes in, where entitlement is created and where we only focus on the result.

So, thank you Aunt Ruth -- for sharing your thoughts.  I look forward to your next email with great, loving expectancy!

How You Show Up For Anything -- Is How You Show Up For Everything....

How we show up for one thing - -resembles how we show up for everything.

We carry our beliefs and attitudes everywhere with us.  If we are looking for trouble, we find trouble.  If we expect a conversation to go bad, it usually goes bad. If we enter with an air of exploration....we explore.  If we are focused on incompetence -- we find incompetence.

Basically, we are just trying to prove our selves right.  By doing so, we get the ego boost to say: a-ha!  I was right...this is so lame...so amazing...so beneath me.   Fill in the blank.

What we expect to get out of a situation usually comes true.  The question is -- why do you have so many expectations? How do you carry those expectations in to various situations? How does having expecations actually cause disappointment?

If you are constantly disappointed, how are your showing up?  If you are skeptical, do you focus on the things that aren't measuring up?

It is so easy to default to focusing on the negative...why things won't work, how you wish they were different, how other people annoy you...the list can go on.

What if you showed up with no expectations and just experienced the experience.  No judging if it is good or bad.  No ranking on where it falls.  I mean, really letting go of expectations.

Where is one area you could let go of expectations --- and truly be an observer without judgment? It could change how you show up for everything....

Let's get the conversation started -- share the one situation you are willing to have a different outcome.

PS: Some of you have written me to ask if I would post the audio recording of my free Preview Call on 7 Enlightened Tips on How to Lose the Thoughts that Weight you Down....click here for link.

PPS: For those still wanting to sign up for the six week teleseries: Lose The Thoughts That Weigh You Down - click here for more information - class starts January 17th!

Free Preview Call: 7 Enlightened Tips on How to Lose The Thoughts That Are Weighing You Down

Ho-ho-whoa! 

It is that time of the year that we swear off sweets, put away the pie and make yet another resolution to get our butts in gear when it comes to weight, food and fitness.

It all feels so familiar, doesn't it? The cycle of weight loss and the determination that THIS year is going to be the year that it is different.  

Well, it truly can be different IF you are willing to do things differently. Instead of coming at it with how many calories are in this egg, how can I work out for 30 days in a row, how can I never eat chocolate again --- how about approaching it from understanding who you really are. True success comes from the coach approach to your beliefs around weight, food and fitness.

Please join me for a free teleclass where I will reveal my 7 enlightened tips that will change your thinking around dieting, weight loss, body image, food and emotional eating.

Details:

When: Monday, January 2, 2012

Time: 7:00 - 8:00 pm EST 

How: This is a call in teleclass.  You phone in to a conference line with a unique passcode and be a part of this teleclass.  

Cost: FREE (long distance charges may apply)

Everyone who registers for the call will receive an audio recording of the call as well.

I am super exited to share my tips with you and introduce a new way to really understand your thoughts around food and fitness.  Then you will have the ability to make changes that actually support you and your goals.

So -- what are you waiting for?  It is time to change your life.

Register now...by clicking here.

"See" you on the call on Monday -- it will be a great way to KickStart the New Year.

To learn more about me as the presenter, please visit my website at: www.jenniferbarley.com or if you have specific questions -- please email me at: jennifer@jenniferbarley.com

Choosing to Not Go In To A Holi-daze.....

' Tis the season to be jolly.....with only 6 days until Christmas and a mere 13 until we bid goodbye to 2011, it can all feel like a whirlwind.

Shopping, caroling, cooking, entertaining, decorating -- who knew that so much can go in to the season.

I have had an interesting relationship with Christmas.  Around 1992 or 93, I made the decision to not celebrate the holidays with my family.  It felt too stressful. Flying back to the midwest, presents, expectations, cookies to eat, church services to go to, carols to be sung, and the general make all the rounds because I was only in town for a few days....it was just overwhelming.

Since the early 90's, my Christmases in CA were all over the place. Some times I would decorate like crazy and get together with friends and other times, there wouldn't be a tree in sight and Christmas would feel like any other day.

Fast forward to 2011, where I am no longer in CA but in FL, and the halls are officially decked.  The tree is up, carols play through the house, presents are wrapped and it is a true Floridian Christmas.

My family is coming to visit and we are celebrating on the 27th. Mom and Dad are driving up, Pete and family are flying in. I am hosting and doing the cooking and it doesn't feel overwhelming at all.

It actually feels perfect.

I can't wait to hear my dad play Christmas songs on the piano.  I am ready to exchange gifts and unwrap presents.  I am ready to hang with my nephew and hopefully put on a show.  I am ready to have my mom and I in the same kitchen making Pete's favorite dinner. I am ready to have Tabby take the kayak out and see why I love Florida so much.

I have missed it.

It is all about shifting energy.  Changing something from a "have to" to a "want to".  For me, changing energy is about understanding what is important to me, what my values are, and what parts are important to me has given me clarity.  It allows me to focus on what I want.

Through my trek towards peace, love and clarity, I have found the best gift of all.  The gift of being able to change your mind.

 

The Book of Happiness.....

Would of...could of...should of.  
How often we look at our past wishing things would have been different.  

Well, it wasn't.  

Focus on the here and now.  Focus on what you want the future to hold.

It is hard to find happiness if you don't let go of holding on to sadness.

I am all about happiness.  Embracing happiness.  Experiencing happiness. Living happiness.

I am happy.

One Moment of Gratitude....

can set a whirlwind of positivity in action.  

Find one little thing to be grateful for....take a moment to take it in, to appreciate it, to connect to the essence of it. 

That one little grateful moment can bring forth the opportunity to find one more little grateful moment and so on and so on and so on.

Create your own movement....start your own whirlwind....be the change in your life you have been waiting for....one grateful step at a time.

 

Me, My Shelf and I.....

Everyone has a shelf.  You know...the place where  we mentally put the things we don't want to deal with....to save the challenge for later...to store away the uncomfortable areas of our life...hoping with time those areas would disintegrate and just go away.

Like everyone -- I had a really big-ass shelf.  Year after year topics would come on and off the shelf.  I would take some time to explore what was going on. I would contemplate. I would analyzed.  I would be worried, afraid, concerned.  I would find my inner mo-jo to get ready to overcome it. And just when it got to a place that I might actually do something about it -- I would put it back up on the shelf to be taken down at another time in the future.

What holds us back from officially removing things from our shelf?  For me, it was fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of what might happen, fear of what I perceived would happen.  Fear of not being able to handle it. Fear of rocking the little bubble of my life that was familiar.

Wayne Dyer says...Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

Things will come off the shelf when you are ready to face the pain of the situation, the circumstance, the habits, the defense-mechanisms and you are willing to do whatever it takes to do things differently.

Well, my little bubble of a life has been officially rocked.  And I have never felt so alive. This isn't to say that it is all easy or that I don't experience sadness, or that every single thing was askew in my little bubble.

However, by being willing to permanently remove the items from my shelf, my energy is free.  What use to consume my thoughts and energy in a negative way is gone.  My energy is now being used to not focus on the past or the future -- but really to focus on the here and now.  To be alive in each moment knowing that I am where I am suppose to be, doing what I am suppose to be doing, and just being.

What I have learned about taking things off the shelf, staring issues straight in the eye and saying "bring it" is that:

• I am stronger than I think
• others are stronger than they think
• to live in fear just eats away at your soul and numbs you out
• to live in peace, love and clarity...you have to have peace, love and clarity
• there is always a safety net
• even though I experience an emotion -- I am not going to stay in that emotion forever
• I get to define and re-define my life every day
• it impossible to fear the unknown -- how can you fear something you don't know
• in order to change something -- you have to be willing to change it

My shelf is looking might empty these days....and interestingly enough I no longer feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Every moment is an opportunity to do things different.  To figure out what is working in your life and what isn't.  To really assess where you compromise. To really assess where you want to stop compromising.

What has been on your shelf that you are afraid to do something about?  How would your life be different if you were to actually look at it and make a plan to support removing the item permanently from your shelf?

Even the best of shelves require dusting -- what are you willing to dust today?

 

Dear Dad....Happy Father's Day

Dear Bobber --

Thank you for being a whale of a dad!  You are the best dad in the world...hook, line and sinker.  

Holy carp, you did the dad thing  so well.  You taught us life lessons and showed us love without being a smart bass.  

Halibut giving yourself a hand?  It is a trout time the world know that you are amazing.  You have turned out two reel happy kids.  We have been given so many oppor-tuna-ties.  Thank you.  Our love for you is deep SEAded.  

The thought of continuing this father's day blog is a-lure-ing but I feel like my puns are beginning to flounder.  I at least wanted to try and tackle writing it.

Oh my cod! I am the luckiest daughter in the world.

You are a keeper!

Happy Father's Day!

All my fishing love --

Your favorite daughter

Jennabell

What a Difference a Year Makes....

I am sitting at my desk in a fairly reflective state.  There is a lot of change happening in the Jenn Barley world. A lot of change.

Things are ending. Things are beginning.  Things are staying the same.  Change.

At moments I feel like I have a handle on it all.  At other times -- it all has a handle on me.  

I decided to re-read my blog achives to see what were my hot topics of April 2010 --- I wanted to see how relatable those topics were to my today -- one year later.

The first April post was about friends.  Still amazingly relatable.  I have learned so much over the past year about me, about my relationships, about friendships.  It actually deserves it own blog and will be coming. 

The next post was about thinking outside the box.  I am still thinking outside the box.  Even with boxes that I have had for 44 years -- I am still trying to find my way outside of those four lines. I have new perspeptives, new awakenings, new ways of thinking about things.  Thinking outside the box requires not being afraid of being different.  I am SO not afraid of different.

The third posting was about clearing clutter.  In all fairness, a year ago  -- clearing clutter was about my office.  Today, it is about my life.  I am in relationships that are changing, starting new ones, selling my house, moving 2897 miles, in August, to the east coast and then straight down to the sunshine state in the south. For years, I had clarity that it was time to clear the clutter -- but 2010/2011 was the timeframe I was willing to actually go for it.

The 4th post was about buying a MAC. Love it.  Point taken.

The last April entry was about signing up for the Mermaid Duathlon that was to take place in September 2010. I signed up -- I partipated.  What happened between April and September was really about learning about my own divine connection to myself.  To be willing to look at the question "am I happy?" and be willing to look at the possible answer. And then to actually take action.

What a year. I have never felt so free.

How has your life changed over the last 12 months?

I Am A Woman Learning To Stay Awake....

One of the most cherished books I own and have read time and time again is: I Am A Woman Finding My Voice, by Janet Quinn.  I wrote about the book on my blog back on September 20th.  

At that time I declared that I will write my own essay called I Am A Woman Finding Myself.  I am not there yet.  I am still in the finding process.  I have found that there is tweaking in the finding process.  Evualating and learning, reflecting, trying again, keeping things in perspective.

Over 2010 Thanksgiving weekend I did write the following:

I am a woman learning to stay awake.

For 43 years, I have lived a life.  Sometimes for me, some times for others...living into the perceived expectations of parents, pastors, teachers, friends, employers, society, the media as well as my own expectations for myself.

At times I have been awake; listening to my heart, my soul, my desires, and the beat of my own drum.  At times I been asleep; plodding along, not paying attention, settling, compromising and completely unaware.

In order to live a life I love, I want to be awake. Awake to what makes my heart sing, awake to what makes my insides go "wow", and awake to what I feel connected to. Truly living into a life you love is about staying awake day after day after day after day.

Staying awake is about not shutting down and numbing out to all that is happening.  Staying awake is about observing all emotions and realize the gift of a full spectrum.

In learning to staying awake, I want to listen more, sing often, dance to music even when there is complete silence. I want to stay awake be eating spaghetti straight from the pan, connecting with nature and laughing until tears roll down my cheek.  Staying awake is about balancing my chakkras, clearing my mind and to have inner peace 24 - 7.

Staying awake is to conciously love, love, love and then even love some more. Staying awake is having everything I do come straight from the beat of my heart.

Staying awake is about connecting and reconnecting to a life I love.

I am a woman learning to stay awake.

Insights, Observations, and Thoughts From My Last Five Years as A Weight Watchers Leader

In tune with the season -- and the fact that I just left being a Weight Watchers leader for the past five years -- I want to close this chapter of my life with a list of insights, observations and thoughts.

For about 1825 days of my life I was an official Weight Watchers leader in Santa Cruz County. Averaging about nine meetings a week -- which was over 500 people a week for a total of five years.  I loved my job. 

It was a hard decision to leave -- but the right decision.  I have big hopes, dreams and plans.  I need freedom in order to put them in to action.  I am a certified life coach and I want to focus on my business.

I lost 40 pounds with Weight Watchers in 2004 -- after joining for 8 times in the past.  After getting back to lifetime -- I wanted to work for the company.  And it all began....

Here is a photo of me eating a Weight Watchers cheddar twist on top of Diamond Head in December 2008. 

Here are my top insights, observations and thoughts about my last five years:

• If something is important to you, you will find a way.  If it is not, you will find an excuse.
• Quitting is not an option.
• I know that anyone can achieve anything they set their mind to.
• People will tell you about their bowel movements in the privacy of a weigh booth.
• I have an amazing knowledge or shall I say --  an actual database in my head of food and their points values.
• I have witnessed people pushing themselves past their comfort level physically, emotionally and socially.
• People want to participate in life.
• Losing weight can improve so many healthy stats (cholesterol, blood sugar level, etc.) which might be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
• You are not your weight.

Down 2.6!

Woo-hoo! 

I am so excited to report that I am down 2.6 pounds.  My goal by December 1st is to get back to being free at Weight Watchers.  That is my last day of employment -- and after five years of them paying me, I really don't want to have to start paying them.

"how did you do it, 2.6 pounds?" you ask.

Let's see: tracking, exercise, drinking water.

"amazing." you answer.

Can I Get a "ooowa! ooowa!"

I love anabolic people!  People who are up, positive, proactive.  People who want to create win-win and people who want to change the world. 

I happened to meet 28 of them this weekend in Los Angeles at the Life Potentials and Leadership Training. 

We spent 30 hours together creating our future lives. 

Redefining our who.

I could have flown home without the plane.

Yay! Me!

My weight is up.  Yep, you read that right.  Up.  As a Weight Watchers leader -- this is not good.  As a human being -- we have all been there.

I will spare you the details.  With my traveling and eating out and different time zones -- well, I guess it was all too much.

I decided to take some action -- I am working on a pilot program that I am developing and I am using myself as the first test case.  I am really excited - - I have to admit.  Details later.

I am currently in San Antonio, TX -- I have been here before.  The last time I was here I gained 3 pounds.  It was just 3 weeks ago.  This time I am prepared -- I know the lay of the land.  I know that my hotel has a little kitchenette.  I know that the facility that I am teaching has a breakroom with a microwave.  I know where the gym is located.  

So, I packed easy to microwave soup for lunches.  I went to the grocery store and I got blueberries, strawberries, yogurt and Go Lean cereal for breakfast. I got low cal frozen dinners and lots of veggies to add to them.  And a bottle of wine.

I worked out tonight.

I am a woman with a game plan.

What is a challenging situation you have coming up - Coach yourself up: how are you going to plan for it? 

Get Inspired.  Get In the Game.